Loneliness on the net

I got caught up in so many things and completely forgot about my blog. I'm endlessly sorry. This photoshoot is a product of my endless love and true friendship with Michal Burchardt. He's probably one of the most sensitive and committed photographers I've ever worked with. He was the one who opened my eyes to so many things and guided me throughout my reckless journey. He sees me as a strong independent person with ambitious soul and big dreams. Thank you my friend.

For this photoshoot I was rocking my Next coat (yes! I'm all about pastels this spring), EGO sneakers (my new total obsession), Vanessa Klat bag, Mejuri necklace and Urban Outfitters pants. My hair was styled by amazing Mitra at Hershesons (Harvey Nichols London).

Down below you'll read my three-months-old thoughts I've written down for my university. I planned to post those paragraphs for so long, but now it seems a right time to do so. Please do not get me wrong and can't wait to hear your opinion.

In the age of the internet and massive technological boom we are still seeking for love of any kind and simple human affection. Human beings are probably the most uncertain ones. Instead of fulfilling those needs and expressing ourselves we hide our true nature and deepest thoughts and create the perfect image, exposing ourselves online. But what is ‘perfection’ anyway and do we really share the real sides of our personal lives on the net?

Social media is probably one of the biggest lies I’ve ever faced in my life. As an online influencer I have to have a particular ‘face’ or so-called image, which is relevant to those who follow me online. Being unique is not enough anymore. Having personality is not enough. You have to fit into the norms created by the society, and you better do not cross the borders otherwise you may be considered a snob or quite a boring rebellious person with the opinion which is not accepted by the ignorant society we live in. Supposedly we should be free online as we already have numerous limitation in our everyday life. This includes educational norms, that target youngsters who still rebel against society (by the way, in my opinion, school kills creative side of learning and already affects us and our perception of life), and rules applied in workplace, on the streets and basically everywhere we go.

I launched my blog due to the total lack of communication with my classmates in the secondary school. I was bullied frequently and instead of sorting out my problems offline, I found it easier to express myself online. As my blog started growing, I realised that people are more into visuals rather than my articles or poems. Our world is too lazy to read. This kills the art of writing. Yet I was still trying my best to keep the concept of my blog floating. When it became unbearable and a significant amount of my readers moved to Instagram, as it is easier to follow a person you are interested in out there without waisting your time on reading, I almost shut my blog down. I was feeling lonely for the first time. Instagram seemed too commercial and empty. The only thing that kept me moving was a support from the loyal readers who have been there for me since the very beginning. I knew that I changed under the pressure of modern trends. All my fellow bloggers were going through the same phase. The picture we were creating online was barely the real life we have been all going through. This was not my cup of tea. I decided that, despite the fact there is a need for a colossal change in the concept of my blog in order to get more followers, I better keep it as it is. I was honest with myself and I knew that I won’t be able to keep this whole blogging thing going while doing something I am not enjoying. And I know I could have gained more followers if I would change my blog. But that would change me also. That was a case for other bloggers I was growing up with. The readers you get this way are barely loyal. They, sometimes, do not even know your name, referring to you by your nickname on social media. Scrolling up through the feed they probably waste around 15 seconds on your posts, without paying attention to the caption and details.

Social media is a perfect illusion created for the commercial purposes rather than a simple creativity. The quantity is not always the quality. This is why after 6 years of blogging I came to the conclusion that I rather have a few days off social media if I am dealing with something in my life and bond with people around me offline, rather than hide behind the perfectly edited Instagram pictures or cheesy Twitter posts. It is so easy to feel lonely online as people pay more attention to you if your figures are bigger compare to others. When I catch hard feelings related to blogging I always remind myself a quote from my favourite book ‘The Little Prince’ by Antoine de Sint-Exupery : “Grown-ups love figures. When you describe a new friend to them, they never ask you about the important things. They never say 'What's his voice like? What are his favourite games? Does he collect butterflies?' Instead they demand 'How old is he? How many brothers has he? How much does he weigh? How much does his father earn?' Only then do they feel they know him. If you say to the grown-ups: 'I've seen a lovely house made of pink brick, with geraniums in the windows and doves on the rood', they are unable to picture such a house. You must say: I saw a house that come a hundred thousand francs.' Then they cry out: 'How pretty!' …That is how they are. You must not hold it against them. Children have to be very indulgent towards grown-ups.”

And I’m trying to be indulgent towards the modern society when people are questioning me regarding the amount of followers and likes I receive. It is hard but that’s the only way of dealing with ignorance. Spread love and pay more attention to the details. What you see online is barely anything. By tapping twice on someone’s picture you do not create any kind of bond with this person, you do not get to know this person. Switch off your phone, log off your social media and look around. The world offline is far more beautiful without any filters, with its raw and inconsistent beauty.